Watch Your Language

It's brilliant to be involved with Fiona's Success Groups, attending my first one last Saturday.

Hearing so many great ideas and sensing that buzz you only feel when in the company of like minded “can do” people left me feeling exhilarated and refreshed in equal measure.

It's amazing what a couple of hours on a Saturday morning can do for the soul.

This week the subject was “Self Belief,” looking at the evidence to support you in your quest for... well, whatever your new life-plan happens to be. So many great ideas and visions can up and were discussed in both the whole group forum, as well as the smaller 3 person-planning segment.

Talking with Fiona afterwards I asked myself what can I bring to my time with the group, especially as someone with a background in Hypnotherapy and NLP as well as Career Coaching?

Representations
Known as a “waking hypnosis,” NLP is the study of communication; the words and representations we use both internally (that inner voice) or externally.

I mention the word “representations” since “it's not what you say, but how you say it” that can make such a huge difference to your life and the results you have.

Imagine someone saying “I love you” whilst looking into your eyes, soft voice, candles shimmering over a beautiful table in the most romantic restaurant.

Fabulous, right? Then imagine how it might feel for someone having been beaten, cowering in fear, with their tormentor screaming with anger that they only do it because they love them. Same words. Two completely different worlds.

Context
So, the words we use are important, as are the tonality and context they're said in. The third and final area of communication is in our physiology, our body, how we look, stand, or carry ourselves.

Think back to some of Fiona's best tips; “look the part/dress to impress/act 'as if'/be aware of who your peer group are,” then ask yourself how you could improve the communication you have with yourself and those around you.

What matters most in communication - words, how we say them, or what we look like? You might be surprised:

Physiology = 55%
Tonality = 38%
Words = 7%
So in essence, words are vitality important – and so is the way you say it, and how you carry yourself physically when you say it.

Fiona mentioned at Saturday's workshop how one of the secret ingredients to making a plan or project work is to add feeling, to get excited, to bubble with anticipation.

Say what you mean
Clean language is saying what you mean. Think how you talk to and about yourself? Are you supportive, complementary - or your own worst critic, first in line to doubt any bright idea?

Hear are a few examples of what clean language might look like as opposed to the disempowering messages we sometimes opt for.

I really believe I’d be great at this. (clean)
I'm not sure, but I think if all goes well and I don't run out of money first I might be good. (disempowering!)
I will take these steps because they will lead me forward. (clean)
I'll try, and if I don't fail who knows where they'll take me. (disempowering!)
What I really want to do is this. (clean)
I don’t know what I want. I did want to do this, but I worry I won’t get support and I'll look a fool and I won’t be any good. (disempowering!)
Of course, I accentuated the disempowering phrases... but, when you think about it, have you ever heard anyone come up with phrases similar to those above?

In conclusion, my aim over the next couple of months working with all the wonderful Success Group people is for us all to use clean language when talking of our projects and plans.

Find a model
Of course, the ultimate aim would be to decide once and for all to only ever use clean language from this moment on.

If you did, who might you be able to model as a guiding light of how the positive effects of using clean language could be???

My own personal model has always been Fiona. More than anyone else I've known in the personal development world, she really does walk-her-talk.

So, there you are, not only do you now have one of the best motivators around, you also have a shining beacon of clean language.

Top tips
1. Listen and become aware of how many times you belittle or reduce your light in the world. We all do it sometimes, and just imagine if we did it less how we might then shine more?

2. Make a list of negatives you use. 'Can't, won't, don't, shouldn't' etc. Thing is, the unconscious mind doesn't process negatives; so 'I don't want to be a smoker' really becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, 'I do want to be a smoker'. Ouch! Not nice. Make a list every time you say anything negative. Write it down.

3. Look at your plan and see if it can be written in a more positive, enthusiastic, fun, strong, and loving way. In fact, do it anyway! Plans tend to happen more rapidly when we work 'on' them and 'in' them, meaning they need developing and growing just as surely as you grow and develop.

4. Tonality - even when you're in a new place in your life, make it sound fabulous and confidant. Fiona's tip for Saturday's Success Group was to 'act as if'. Sounding confident and self-assured about your project will increase your effectiveness, and you will find yourself believing it too, sooner than you think. Practice to a mirror, to a friend, your coach, the world – do it!

5. Physiology. 55%. This is the most instant way to feel better, and for other people to see the difference; walk taller (in every way). Look the part, walk the part, play the part, and finally you will become the part.

30% Discount!
That's right; attendees of all Success Groups can get a 30% discount for all Career Coaching, NLP or Hypnotherapy if booked with me by 30th June 2007 and completed by end of September (including appointments at my Harley Street Practice).

For more information, call me on 020 8920 0847, or email mike@fionaharrold.com