There are pros and cons to each behavioral style, however, as far as is generically possible, there is a preferred communication and behavioral style.
Read this article to establish which style you largely use in your daily communications.
When reading about the four possible styles identified here, see what adjustments you need to make to you current preferred style to ensure a more empathetic way of communicating and interacting with others.
The non-assertive styles are being aggressive, passive, and manipulative.
These can be effective for the short-term but, as characteristics of these can include dishonesty, bad feelings, time wasting, and conflict creation, they are not recommended even for short-term effect.
Rarely is a person 100% of any one style. Everyone tends to be a mixture of all four styles.
For example, you may be passive in one setting (being bullied by an aggressive), then retaliate and become aggressive to less threatening people in another setting. Or, a passive may be passive for so long before s/he explodes.
In newspaper articles, we read that someone 'wouldn't hurt a fly', or is 'as quiet as a mouse', yet in the article, that person has committed a violent crime. Only the assertive style leads to honest, effective, and a problem-solving-oriented communication, and to the evolution of a well-balanced interactive self. Both assertiveness and aggressiveness are often associated with self-confidence, but this is incorrect.
In order to understand the nature of assertive behavior and communication, you also need to understand the nature of non-assertive behavior and communication, ie aggressively controlling, passively observing and warmly proposing behavior.
Aggressive Controlling Behavior
People exhibiting aggressive behavior have a high level of non-empathetic energy, and like to be in control.
PROS
• Aggressive behavior appears commanding and confident
CONS
• On the negative side, such people are often insensitive to the rights and needs of others
• They may adopt a sarcastic or hostile attitude, and
• Will often interrupt and talk over others without listening
Passively Observing Behavior
These people have a low level of energy and a low level of empathy.
PROS
• Positive characteristics of people exhibiting this behavior are that they effectively analyze discussions or debates, and
• They can listen well
CONS
• Their negative aspects mean that they often ignore and sacrifice their own rights
• They often stay silent, rather than speaking out, and
• They can often feel inept
Firmly Asserting Behavior
PROS
These people have a high little level of energy and are highly empathetic
• They take action towards getting what is wanted, without denying another person's rights
• They are proactive and solution-oriented to always find a positive way forward
• They demonstrate that they value people's feelings and other's needs
• Such people are also good listeners
CONS
• A drawback of this firmly asserting behavior is that they may not want to coach others who are less assertive
Warmly Proposing Behavior
These people have a gentle level of empathy and low level of energy.
PROS
• This behavioral type keeps the discussions and conversations calm and friendly
• They gently offer lots of ideas and suggestions
CONS
• A negative aspect of this type is that they may not come to the point about what they want or need
• They also become upset in the face of high aggression or anger
Every style has its strengths and weaknesses, or its pros and cons, according to the situation.
Some people confuse assertive with being aggressive, but they are worlds apart.
Understanding the pros and cons of these assertion styles means that you are able to plan your behavioral and verbal strategies in advance.
Gloria M Hamilten is a recognized authority in disciplines within Personal Development and People Skills for Business Professionals, such as Time Management, Negotiation Skills, Developing High-Performance Teams, Assertion Skills, Building International Rapport, Conflict Management and Resolution, Presentation and Platform Skills.
Her studies in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Psychology have lead to her researching brain disorders such as ADD and its relations.
She has her own training business, and conducts courses for Organizations, Sporting groups and Tertiary Educational Institutions in Australia. Her professional experience covers over 30 years of study, research, one-on-one coaching, group coaching, presentations and workshops. Her clientèle includes children as well as adults.
Gloria Hamilten has authored the eBook: "Practical Self-Hypnosis for Success" and many Reports and online articles.
Her websites provide a wealth of informative articles and resources on everything within these genres.
Visit her websites and get a Free copy of her latest Report:
http://www.connect4results.com
http://neuro-linguistic-pro-site.com
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